The Forgotten International - Tom's Page

From time to time I plan to drop an occassional thought or two on this coninuing blog - like page of our website. I may also just wish to share a story about someone we have recently met or comment on something that I have heard that struck me. All, I believe, will have relevance to our work, work that involves the giving and caring of others. I hope you derive some pleasure from what I will be sharing with you, and hopefully you will share it with others. Thank you for your interest.

Tom Nazario

"The Five Biggest Problems Facing the World Today: A Gift From My Generation to Yours"

In my continuing efforts to try to communicate with those of you who care about some of the work I do, I thought I would show you a video of a talk I gave some years ago at the University of San Francisco's School of Law. I was asked to give a lecture as if this was going to be the last lecture of my life. You may have heard of these series of lectures that were made famous by a professor who was told he was dying of cancer, and decided to create his own last lecture. My last lecture was entitled, "The Five Biggest Problems Facing the World Today: A Gift From My Generation to Yours". If you would like to hear what I said to some of my students at USF, click on the link above. The talk did last about an hour, so please excuse the length of this video, but feel free to check it out if you wish.

"Time Tested Beauty Tips" by Sam Levenson

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Words of Advice From The Late Steve Jobs

The words of the late Steve Jobs, taken from his graduation address at Stanford University, Spring 2005:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

The complete transcript of Jobs' speech can be found here.

Nine Keys to Happiness

Give yourself permission to be human: Remember we all make mistakes, and we cannot be all things to all people. You must forgive yourself as you forgive others. To not forgive only forces you to harbor anger or ill feelings, none of which leads to happiness.

Pleasure and meaning: It has been said that happiness lies at the intersection of pleasure and meaning. There is some truth to this. Think of the times when you did something that was both pleasurable and meaningful, for example, having a great day with someone you love, the birth of a child, your graduation from college, or that day you helped someone in desperate need and but for you a tragedy was averted. All are examples of brief moments of joy and happiness; nevertheless, all are quite powerful and if you sprinkle your life with such occurrences as often as possible, you will indeed create for yourself a very happy life.

Money and your state of mind: Happiness is mostly dependent on your state of mind, not on the state of your bank account. Certainly economic security relieves stress and no one wants to worry about whether they will be able to feed their family or pay the rent. The trick is to keep your life simple, explore everything in moderation and manage your affairs. Once your needs and those of your loved ones are in order, then you can focus on your attitude and approach to life. In doing so, always try to remain kind, positive and optimistic. When you interact with life in this manner, good things happen.

Count your blessings: There are few things in life that we are entitled to, hence most of what we receive should be thought of as gifts. Whether it's a sunny day, a warm smile from a stranger, a phone call from a friend you have not heard from in sometime, or simply another day to appreciate being alive, you should be thankful if you go through life with this attitude, it is easier to feel fortunate and you are less likely to feel cheated, frustrated, jealous or angry about something you did not receive. These kinds of emotions only detract from happiness. So again, it's your attitude and approach to life that's very important.

Remember the mind-body connection: Take care, exercise, eat right, and remain in touch with your body and mind. Few would disagree that being as healthy as possible has a direct relationship with what you can and cannot do, and how you experience the world and all those who are important in your life. It's important also to try to alleviate stress, one way of doing that is by remaining active and healthy.

Work at something you love: Work is such a big part of one’s life. In fact, it often occupies the majority of one’s waking hours. To choose a job or career that does not bring you some joy subtracts from the time you have in life to experience joy and happiness. Getting up and going to work should not be something you dread. Life is too short. Unfortunately, and as we all know, jobs that bring one joy are not always easy to come by. Nevertheless, we should see this as one of our goals in life, a goal to work towards. The first step in achieving that goal is to find out what your passion is, and then work backwards to sort out the way to get there.

Avoid over-attachment, dependence or addictions: Life is ever changing. Those who may be in your life one day, may be gone the next. Children grow up, jobs change, people move or pass away. For those reasons it is important not to put all of your life’s joys in the hands of other people, places, objects or substances. To do so only risks great loss and sadness. Also, depending on others to safeguard your economic security or to bring you happiness is very dangerous for it leaves you at their whim, and before too long, you have lost control of your life. We must retain the ability to provide and protect ourselves. We must be able to brighten our own days, to be happy when we are all alone, and to sing even when no one hears us. Of course, this sometimes is very difficult, for it is so easy to yearn for those you have grown, but were very close to you. The trick is to learn to love your own company. Sometimes that’s all we have.

Nurture your relationships: In spite of what has been said above, no one can deny that human beings are social animals. We receive much pleasure through our relationships with others, whether they be family, friends or lovers. It is more difficult to be happy if you have no one in your life, and in fact, many have said that happiness is best when it is shared. I do believe this is true. With this in mind, spend sometime developing friendships and keeping those you care for involved in your life.
Plan for the future: The notion of planning for the future and its relationship to happiness has been met with some skepticism. In fact, some would say that putting too much time and effort into what tomorrow may bring, not only may be a waste of time, but also may detract from one's ability to “live in the moment.” Certainly, it doesn't make sense to spoil your ability to enjoy today with worries about tomorrow, particularly when those concerns are about something you may not be able to change. Hence, to at least this extent, “living in the moment” is very important. Nevertheless, this does not mean that you should not plan for the future. The truth is that most of us will live a long life and it is in living your life that you will learn what brings you joy. So whether it's family, friends, your work, a quiet place to live or simply some time to read, travel, help others, or play with grandchildren, make sure that you ensure that these aspects of life will be available to you as you transition from your youth to your old age. This requires planning and sometimes advice from others. Don't forget to take care of this while you are young. Too many of the world's elderly never planned for their future and end up forgotten with little joy in their lives. Don't let this happen to you.

An additional note about the relationship between wealth and happiness: Over the years many studies have been done on the relationship between wealth, or the acquisition of material goods, and happiness. Most studies have found that although there are some correlations, the relationship is at best, weak. There are two things, however, that these studies have discovered:

One, that if the elements that go into the making of happiness were divided up into two categories, the first being social values (namely, love, family and friends) and the second being material values (economic security and "success") the former outranks the latter in terms of importance. This is not to say that one’s economic security is not important, but above a certain level of income and comfort, material things seem to stop giving us the kind of satisfaction that the material world would sometimes like us to believe.

Two, when people have been asked what makes them happy, they have said what they really want out of life is: autonomy and control over their life; good self-esteem; warm family relationships; tension-free days; leisure time, close and intimate friends; as well as romance and love. So when pursuing happiness in life, be sure to think hard about the choices you make.

Finally, remember there are few lives that have been lived long that have not experienced some disappointment, sadness, sorrow and even suffering. The above is not meant as an attempt to immunize one from such human experiences, but only to lessen them in frequency and severity. The good news is that we can all learn from difficult times and become stronger and smarter for them, and it’s because of the rainy days that we appreciate the sunny days all the more.

Tom Nazario

Summer 2011

Some Words From Warren Buffett

About two years ago I took a moment to stop and read President Clinton's book called “Giving”, and although I liked many parts of it, the one page I remember most was the page where President Clinton talked about a question he posed to Warren Buffett. In short, the President asked Mr. Buffett why and how he came to the decision to give away $30 Billion of his fortune to the Gates Foundation (the single largest personal gift ever made). To the question Mr. Buffett replied:

“ I could live very comfortably on less than 1% of that which I possess, all the rest is surplus. I have been lucky. I was born at the right time, in the right country, and have been disproportionately rewarded for the work I have done. It's the teachers, policeman and fireman who are our true heroes, and those who give up an evening out, or a dinner at a restaurant in order to be able to help others. I have given away nothing that I need, so please don't make me a hero.”

Wouldn't it be great if the so many around the world who have far more than what they need felt the same way?

A Story From NPR

I commute in my car quite a bit and often spend time listening to National Public Radio. Although they have come under attack lately, over the years I have found them to be relatively balanced in their reporting and in their effort to educate the public. Sometimes too, they tell stories that you would not hear elsewhere and get you to think or remind you of an experience you once had. Since I spend a lot of time traveling and visiting with the poor, particularly in India there was a story they told about a year ago that brought to mind so many things I have seen over the years. It's about the vast disparities of wealth in the city of Mumbai India. In short, and as an NPR reporter tells it:

“Adjacent to a huge home that was being built for one of India's new rich, in the city of Mumbai lived a cobbler on the street. On both sides of his “shop” he stacked a wall of bricks and it was between these bricks where he sat all day hoping someone would want his shoes shined or fixed. He has been there for years and on a good day he might make a dollar. The reporter asked him what he does on a bad day, he said he just turns over, sleeps on the street and prays for a better day the next day. When the reporter asked what if there is no better day the next day, what do you eat? He said, that when he earns no money, he eats the leaves off the tree across the street. Finally, the reporter asked had he ever dreamt about living in a real home, maybe even like the huge home that was being built right next to his make-shift shoe repair shop. The old man simply said, not in the lifetime, but maybe the next.”

So goes the life of all those around the world who have so little yet seldom ask for help, even when with a little kindness, help may be as near as across the street.

A Special Day with the Dalai Lama

About a dozen years ago, I was allowed to sit in the corner of a room in the home of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, a room where day after day he opens his home to receive guests from all over the world. On this particular day, I observed His Holiness welcome a wealthy Indian gentleman and his family from Bombay. After forty five minutes had passed and all had talked and laughed about, both the little and big questions of life, the patriarch of this well-dressed family asked the Dalai Lama if he would be so kind as to bless him and his family before they went on their way. To my surprise, His Holiness put off the request. He said, "Who am I to bless you? I am the same as you, no better, no worse. And you are the same as I, a human being with many of the same wants and needs, just two simple friends who seek happiness and some answers to the mysteries of life. If, however, you wish to feel blessed, please return to Bombay and when you arrive, work with all those around you who have so little and suffer so much. In doing so, you will feel blessed in return."

Creating a Meaningful Life; Some Thoughts to Keep In Mind

Sometime ago, I was asked to give a talk to a group of undergraduates on "How to Create a Meaningful Life." The talk itsef went on for about an hour, too long to encapsulate here, nevertheless below please find the key points I tried to make for the students:

It's never too early or too late to begin constructing a meaningful life for yourself.
The first step is learning more about yourself and identifying your unique talents, interests, resources and passions. In other words, figuring out what you bring to the world.
Pay attention to things that enrich your life and the lives of others. Do them more often, and avoid things that waste your time and do not benefit others.
Keep a journal or a record of that which you experience in life, and the conversations you have with yourself. Note events or gifts for which you are grateful, and be grateful for everything you have.
Don't dwell on negative emotions or disappointments of the past, learn from them and move on. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Share yourself with others. Help and contribute to the betterment of the human condition and the state of our planet. Try to do no harm. Lead an honorable life and make the world better for having been here.
Love and allow yourself to be loved.

Note: Some have suggested that one way of measuring whether one has had a meaningful life is to count the attendees at their funeral. Although I suppose there is some truth to this, few of us will have a million mourners come that day. Hence, the measure of a meaningful life likely has at least as much to do with quality, rather than quantity. Nevertheless, it would be hard to argue that one has had a meaningful life yet had never acquired the love and respect of others or had never helped a soul. The good news is that many of us underestimate the amount of good we do for others. It is not until after we are no longer here that the true tale of our lives can be told and some meaning can hopefully be attributed to it.

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